And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
