I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
