so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
