If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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