I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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