very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize