My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
