just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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