so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
