Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize