3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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