How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have post one night stand depression
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
