Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
