I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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