I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize