I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
