My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
