I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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