This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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