and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
