i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
