i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
