i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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