I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
