the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
