He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
