I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
