I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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