They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
