u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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