After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
