Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
