at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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