my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
