It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
