9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
