does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
