just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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