so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
