youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
