I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
