Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
