do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize