Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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