the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
