I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
