i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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