Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
