That's when you crack a 10am beer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So squirting runs in the family.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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