She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
