He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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