it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
