My entire life is one complicated drinking game
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
