Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
