Can Purell be used as lube?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
