do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
