I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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