It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
