i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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