wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How does one acquire holy water?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize