its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
