I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
