Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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