My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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