It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
