Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
