my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
