we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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