Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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