Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
