its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
