Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
