go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
