some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
