tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
