$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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