Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
