return my video game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
