I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
